Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

As my son so perfectly put it, I have experienced a sort of "revival" right before my very eyes and I almost didn't allow it to take place.

It is curious to me how the enemy works because we so often allow him to steal our joy but he is so lame and tired in his ways. Why is it that after thousands of years Satan himself has never changed his tactics yet we so quickly forget the battle that lies in front of us is a direct attack from this wicked deceiver? I find myself to be so easily deceived and defeated. But this time, I will give honor praise and glory to my Great Defender for reminding me that I am not fighting against flesh and blood but against  the authorities and  powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Eph 6:12). Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to us who are obedient to Your Word.

For months now I have been on a sort of "hiatus" from my one true calling, my gift from God, a true joy of my life, my ministry. I have been in a refining process so deep and so hot and so thick that I had to pull away from those who I loved and poured my heart into day after day for almost 2 years. It tore me apart to know that I hurt those who may not have understood why I could no longer be there for them. It hurt to think of the bond we created together in Christ, the Love we shared, the comfort and the pain we endured together and that I had pulled away from all of that. To know that my husband too in an even more drastic way, also pulled himself away from those he was so heavily involved with. 

But the peace came from God to know that it was also a time of change for these kids, a time of rebuilding in their church and their surroundings in their youth group. It was a perfect time for these teens to let us go and see that there were others that were also gifted to help them and work closely with them. There were others who they could lean on and trust. It was a good time for them to see that when you get into a situation where your ministry begins to take over your life and replaces your relationship with your family and more importantly God, that it is ok to humble your self and if necessary, back away, step down, or just simply slow down. It is a good example to set for those who have such a passion to serve but may not realize the ramifications of forgetting your first ministry for your church ministry. God gave me grace and peace and he gave me approval over the situation. The mercy came when over time I began to see the kids or spend little amounts of time with them slowly. When I realized that as terrible as I felt, the kids were ok, forgiving and understanding...my kids, my hearts these amazing young soon to be adults were WISE! What a blessing!

So after 7 long months (almost 8) I have realized where I am at in my walk with Christ. Where I was was no where near where I thought I was and where I am now is far better of than any other time in my life with Christ.Oddly enough, my life, my circumstances are the worst they have ever been.  But I am learning to overcome this world and set my sights on Him and Him alone. And what a lesson I have had to learn. But I feel joy and I am ready to step back as a light unto this darkness that surrounds us every day. In fact my son and I were so joyous that we planned to have a group of his friends over to our house for a night of praise and worship! A night to really praise our King and give Him honor and glory for all that he has done in our lives. So we did! We invited adults and teens and guess who had the fire and the spark to spend an entire evening worshiping Jesus? THE TEENS! Of course! The pure at heart, the childlike faith, the ones who truly still cast their cares upon him. My heart, my calling, my ministry is restored, only its better and free-er and more pure and real and open and most importantly more praiseworthy! I don't know where God has me or wants me but I know His calling for my life is to teach young people how to live victorious lives in the resurrected life of their Savior Jesus Christ and in the newness of their resurrected selves through salvation and faith.

Along came the enemy ready for battle. Attacking my character and my motives. But today  I say no to him and yes to the Truth. My work is for the Lord and His will be done in my life. I will not be ashamed of the gospel of Christ, I will not be ashamed that I know my high calling from God and I know my worth in His sight because of His Son Jesus Christ. I will not go another day go by without opening my heart and my home to the broken and bitter and wounded and chained. I will not let the enemy tell me I am not allowed or not good enough or not equipped. I will move forward in faith of Jesus and His will for my life. And I will wait for Him to bring them one by one and I will serve him.

Thank you Jesus for this amazing revival in my heart and the hearts of these youth who stepped into my home broken and heavy and cast their burdens upon one another. I thank you that You can use me to show them humility and perseverance in a time of trial. I thank You Lord for using my weakness to build the faith of these young people who so badly need to know that life is going to always try to bring you down but victory is in the person Jesus Christ and the saving blood that covers all our iniquities. The life we now live on this earth we will live by faith in Him who loves us and gave his life for us. Thank You Jesus that these children can look at me and see that I choose to live in the resurrecting Power of Christ Jesus who has been raised from the dead and is seated at Your right hand Father. I Praise You Lord that we all are already in the heavenly dwelling place with you and that what you have promised us is already complete Father! I choose to live in that and I choose to show not only these kids but all that come into my path, a better way, a way that brings joy and peace in the midst of the broken world and in the midst of our heavy circumstances. Jesus use me to touch the lives of these youth and all youth that I encounter because that is the calling you have given me and I choose to follow YOU! Thank you that I was blessed so heavily to see the beauty in the tear stricken faces on these kids who raised their hands and their hearts up to you Jesus singing praises and glory to YOU Lord. Hour after hour the love and the Worship grew stronger and Your Holy Spirit moved so mightily in the room that we all felt a true revival! A true renewal of our hearts and our minds ! A revival of our Faith in You God. Forever and Always in YOU! Amen!

  

"But Jesus looked at them and said, with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible," (Matthew 19:26).

I don't really read this scripture very often nor do I use it when speaking life into others. Maybe it's because it is so overused and "played out", maybe the vision of a crowd of "feel good" Christians clapping and singing the song All things are possible comes to mind when I hear this verse. The bottom line is that this is one of the biggest if not most important promises that Jesus makes to us and we so often overlook the message he is trying to send us.
My trust is Jesus in strong, my love for Him is strong but my FAITH, as much as I proclaim to have it, sometimes wavers. I think some things are possible but not the truly impossible things. Yet as I so often hear from my pastors, the word all in the Greek language really does mean all. With God ALL things ARE possible. There will never be a definite impossibility that what we see as hopeless is not possible if we put our faith in Jesus. It is what He wants us to do. Our scheming and working and collaborating to make things just the way we need them to be in order for them to work out our way are a waste of time. These things actually  prove out disbelief and our lack of faith! And how long do these things really give us peace or make us happy? They are certainly not lasting feelings of contentment.

Here is the catch then. The "things" he is referring to in this passage is not the "thing" we are hoping and praying for, it is actually the desire for those things. In other words, he is saying "Even you sinner can overcome your desires for the worldly things and make it into My kingdom! It is possible that even you will overcome your inner cravings and lusts for this world!" He is not saying anything you want is possible with Me, he is saying "If you put your trust in Me, I can help you overcome this world and set your eyes on the things of God. The holy and righteous things of the heavenlies."

My desire as a believer is to overcome the world, yet I fight that desire with my fleshly emotions every day. Can I see myself at a place in this life where the things of this world do not tempt me? Can I see myself in this world not wanting as the world wants? Can I see myself being content with His promise and nothing else? Actually, no I can't. Do I want that more than anything else though? YES! And that is why I know that I will achieve that! Because it is possible with God! It is possible that my spiritual desires will be met! Even me, the ugly self righteous fleshly, world loving sinner. Because in His eyes I am beauty. My desire to please Him supersedes any desire of this world (1John 4:4). The power of Him who is IN ME, is strong enough to overcome the power that I fight in my flesh! Only when I believe that and trust that and lay my faith upon that will I have victory and everlasting happiness. It is then that our circumstances will NOT affect our behaviors and our will. Because we will have overcome!

The enemy can attack me, my family, my marriage, my home, my life, my loved ones, my church, but HE CANNOT reach the highest of high places the holy of holies. The place where joy is everlasting and peace is unshaken. He can only reach the temporary, the things of this world that will burn away and leave us empty once again.

IT IS ONLY THAT WHICH GOD PROMISES US THAT THE IMPOSSIBLE BECOMES POSSIBLE.

That is how we achieve inner joy, because NO ONE and NOTHING can shake our FAITH IN HIM!

I pray that today for all those who have a desire to achieve the "impossible", that which is never ending and brings a lasting inner peace. A peace which we see as  impossible but with HIM is very possible!  A peace which surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) only through Christ Jesus!

WAITING

I'M ON MY KNEES
THIS PAIN IS TAKING OVER ME

I CANT SEE TOMORROW
I CANT SEE MY WAY
I CAN ONLY SEE YOU LORD
I NEED HIM TO STAY!
JESUS YOU ARE MY SHIELD,
YOU LIGHT MY PATH
YOU ARE MY VOICE
AT THE ENEMY'S WRATH
JESUS HEAL THIS BROKENNESS INSIDE OF ME
THIS EMPTINESS THAT BURIES ME.
I AM SUFFOCATING, I AM DROWNING!
I CAN'T FEEL YOU, I CAN'T FIND YOU!
JESUS LIFT ME UP, GIVE ME AIR
GIVE ME HOPE IN THIS DESPAIR!
I AM FALLING INTO PIECES
I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
LIFT ME UP LORD! CARRY MY PAIN!
LIFT ME UP! MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN!
ALL ALONG IT WAS YOU GOD!
ALL ALONG YOU WERE THERE!
JUST WAITING FOR ME LORD
MY PAIN YOU CAN BEAR!
I'M DYING
I'M CRYING
I'M FADING
I'M WAITING...

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. John 10:27

His sheep hear his voice...and sometimes His voice is painfully difficult to listen to. As I sit here and read my previous post I know that this is a calling that I must obey.

God is right, I hear Him. I hear him so clearly that I have decided to say "No" to Him. I am suffering. I am being put through a scornful painful fire right now and I know very well the cost of following Him. I am scared.
God I know you are taking me to the next level in our relationship and I am trying to hold onto you but I am so scared. I don't want to go where you are taking me. I know You Lord and I know what You have asked of me. I heard Your call on my life and I knew it was going to be painful but I never thought it would be this. It is not for lack of trust in you Father that I have turned back, it is because I do trust you that I have turned back. Because I know God that it is going to be just You and me for a while and I am so afraid that I will fail you. I am afraid that giving up my fleshly love will be too painful. I know that You will be there with me but I also know that Your Word is clear about what it takes to follow You. I know I will suffer. All the ones you called yours, suffered. I know that if I take your hand and step up to where you are pulling me that I am taking one more step away from this world. I know after this you will have something even more painful to follow. I know where we are going Jesus, we are going to the cross and I am afraid for my life. It is so hard for everyone around me to see what is going on between us God. That I do believe in you and that is why I am so deathly afraid to go where you go. Because this is real.
Lord you have always been so gentle with me. You have so lovingly removed one idol after another out of my life and although it hurt, I let it go for you. And with every step higher, the request has gotten bigger, and more difficult. And now, are you really taking me up that mountain that Abraham walked? Are you asking me to give up this love that I cling to so desperately? What will be next Father? Where will we go if I decide to give this up to you? I don't know how much further I can go. Cant you see that I am scared! Does not anyone see that it is fear of knowing EXACTLY where my obedience will take me.
You know God that I expected you to protect me from this. I waited for you and I counted on you. I begged you Jesus! I begged for anything but this. And you sit there and you wait.
I cant stand it! Why do you wait for me when I just want to run away. I want to say "No thank you" I love you God but I don't have to be this. Can I not just be a casual Christian? Why must I go so far with you? And why do I know that this is only the beginning? My pain is not over. It has not even begun. My suffering will never end, not in this life. I must embrace all that you give to me and it hurts because I cannot chose "No".

Lord you and I have an amazing relationship. You know I call out to you always. You know I always seek Your face. I am always asking you to lead me to the cross so that I can meet you there. And you have done that. You have answered my request to find you. Now I must answer Yours to follow You. Please be gentle with me God, I am weak. I am scared. I am lonely. I need you. I need you now more than I ever needed you. Manifest yourself to me my God. Help me carry my cross, make my burden light. Promise me love....I repent....I am sorry....I am here...I love you my Jesus my God. And I know you love me more... so I give you my hand...take me...I am ready.

"See, I have refined you, though not as silver. I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake I do this."Isaiah 48:10

A goldsmith begins with gold ore that is a mixture of pure gold and dross. By repeatedly putting the ore into fire, the dross is gradually burned off and the gold is slowly purified. He continues to turn up the heat until all the dross is cleared and he can see his reflection in the gold. God is like the goldsmith. He turns up the heat in our lives and continues to refine our faith so that the character of Jesus is reflected in us. In this fire God reveals the dross in our faith in Him. He shows us what is getting in the way of seeing His reflection in us. Once the dross is burned away, our faith in Him alone becomes stronger. God is refining us! And yes this "fire" is suffering. Its suffering deeply and painfully. An emotional suffering, a physical suffering. God does not limit our suffering however He does promise that He will not give us more that we can bear.

As I begin this journey into discipleship, I begin to understand what it means to "count the cost" because the cost is there and it is big. If you desire to be Christlike you may want to consider what this will entail in your life. It will require a complete 100% dependence on CHRIST and CHRIST alone. And if you think you are already 100% dependent on Him, you are wrong. You are not. And He will show you that. He will honor our request to be like Him and put you through the fire. He will test everything that means everything to you against what HE means to you. He will ask you to choose. He will make you feel so alone that only HE can fill your pain. He will bring you to a dark and lonely place and wait for you to call on Him. And if you don't call on Him, he will keep you there until you do.In Luke 14 Jesus clearly tells us what it takes to follow Him. And the cost is big. Anything that is close to our heart will be tested. The cost of discipleship is giving up ALL THINGS. The cost of discipleship is painfully letting go of worldly security and comfort. The cost of discipleship is letting go of anything that ministers to this world. The cost of discipleship will rock your world. It will pierce your heart and test your faith in a way that you cry out in sheer agony for Christ to rescue you. The cost for Jesus was His Cross and the cost for us will be our cross.

This "fire" is the fire that James say "Count all in Joy". This fire will refine us and make us like Jesus. Through our sufferings, God has promised something wonderful. And in our sufferings, HE IS THERE. He was there for me. He was there to meet me in my dark and painful cave when I called on His name. He was there to hold me and comfort me when I felt no one else was. He was there to whisper to me "Do not be afraid, for I am with you, Do not be dismayed, for I am your God and I will strengthen you!" (Is 41) He was there to say "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Heb 13) And I know His promise now. I know His desire to purify my heart. I know that when I pray for Him to make me his disciple I am asking Him to take a hold of my life and do with it what He wills. I have counted the cost and the cost is great but the reward is greater. 

I suffer for Holiness and I rejoice ! I rejoice that it is here that I find Him! It is here in my suffering that my GOD has manifested Himself to me. I count it all joy when I enter into a trial that I will see HIM standing in the midst of it with His arms open standing on His promise. My faith is put through the fire and it comes out refined.  I rejoice ! 

Jesus you are taking me on a dark and unfamiliar journey but I hold tight to YOU Lord. I cannot see in front of me and I appear to be alone but I know you are here with me. I stand before you today God firm in my faith and assured in your promise that I am in Your hands and no one can take me away from You. I know I must suffer for your Namesake and I know You are not ready to take away my pain. I ask you Lord to cover me and allow me to take refuge in your promise God. I am ready to move forward and take up my cross. I am ready Jesus to be your disciple.

In Your Holy and Mighty Name I give you My Life~

Amen

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 1Timothy 4:12

Tonight I sat  and watched as 8 young Christians spoke about the Atoning Death of Jesus Christ. Every week for six weeks we have watched them grow in their faith yet every week it brings me to tears to see the spark in their eyes as they speak about the amazing Word of God. And tonight especially as we ended our study with worship led by yet another teen who sang his heart out for Christ right there in my living room.  These young Christians are teenagers. Most not Christians more than three years and if they have been, they had definitely not counted the cost of what Christ calls us to be. Not until now that is. These young believers began as a group of 29 youth kids joining a bible study that was 8 weeks in length. As the weeks went by several kids had a desire to go deeper in their study of Christ. My husband and I waited and prayed. We waited to see who really had a desire to go deeper and we offered 15 dedicated kids out of the 29 the opportunity to do a discipleship class that would be ongoing for several months. Out of the 15, we have 8 solid, solid, hungry teenagers that get better and better understanding by the week on what it means to follow Jesus. Ever week  I see them have a genuine desire to be more Christlike in every way.

 I want so badly to just shelter them from all that I know is ahead. The struggle to find faith, the disappointments, the betrayal of man, the rejection! All of the pain that Jesus promises we will endure if we stay faithful till the end. But even as I listened to my own two teenage boys speak of their understanding of the precious blood that was shed that horrific day when our Savior was hung on a cross and put to death, I realize we have the opportunity to choose to deepen our relationship with Christ. These young believers are choosing Christ! They are saying "I know the cost of denying myself and I choose to pick up my cross and bear it."  And this is such a beautiful thing. These young Christians are learning about what it takes to make a true disciple of Christ and they are stepping out in faith towards the path of righteousness. They are learning what it means to find their strength and comfort in HIM and not man. They are taking advantage of the season of their youth by preparing themselves to become healthy, strong men and woman of God. To understand that it is easy to hold tight to Christ in the midst of joy and celebration but quite a different thing to hold tight to Christ in the midst of pain, lonliness and disappointment. These Christians are getting a taste of leadership! They are young in flesh but wise in spirit for they themselves chose the path of the courageous. And oh how courageous will they be if they hold firm to His Word during these prevalent times!  If they could really grasp the understanding that some of our hardest lessons are learned during our trials if we will just turn in intimacy to our Protector Jesus Christ.

Lord God, Prepare the hearts of these young believers to walk with you always. Give them the strength to endure the pain and humiliation they may endure as followers of you Lord God. Give them the wisdom to know Lord how to lay down their life and wait with long suffering until the day of your return Jesus. Lord,
Let no one despise them for your youth, but see them as an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

For Many are Called but few are Chosen

I am reading a book currently called The "Downgrade" Controversy by my all time favorite theologian Charles Spurgeon. It saddens me to know that in his book Spurgeon talks about an issue that remains today and that is the dangers of modernism, most lately referred to "emergent". The emergent church movement is so eager and ready to welcome wolves into the church often causing a downgrade of doctrine truth in order to make these non-believers feel comfortable.
The point that I am trying to get at is that we as believers need to understand that the Word of God is not always a comfortable thing. Speaking the truth about repentance and rebirth will often times offend someone who is not yet ready to follow Jesus as a disciple but will also reach a person who is so ready to give up his life and follow Jesus.

I will admit that even now I don't think I am always counting the cost of following Him when I am going through a time of trial. I understand what it is that God is doing in my life yet I still beg him to rescue me from my pain.

The life of a disciple is difficult. For me and people like me especially, who are so dependent on other "people" to make us feel happy. Our moods depend on how their mood is and our success depends on what they think of us. Victory comes when we hear from that person that they are happy with us. Failure comes when that person is disappointed in us.

I can clearly say that my personal experience with GOD is that HE will take this away from us! If we have the right heart to follow Jesus I guarantee He will honor that by allowing us to feel alone with no one but HIM to cling to. He will take away our loved ones in a way that their relationship with us will not be fully complete. We will not feel satisfied and we will feel alone and frustrated if we do not see that these are the times we must turn to CHRIST and FOLLOW HIM.

Taking up our cross means dying daily a difficult painful death of our flesh in order to see what Gods plan for our life is. It means being truly reliant on Him and Him alone. It means strict obedience to His entire Counsel, regardless of weather we feel comfortable or uncomfortable. Regardless of anything that surrounds our life. Regardless of our circumstance. Regardless of our unbelieving spouse or any unbelieving family members. Our life must fully depend on Christ in order for Him to complete a work in us.

How many people want to follow him now? Not many I can guarantee. His Word says
“For many are called, but few are chosen." Matt 22:14